2 MUCH THINK 2 SLEEP

Founded in 2022 – Documenting the intrusive thoughts of a lifelong journey with anxiety, and trying to figure out the reasonable ways forward. I'm tired.

I overthink too much. This is a practice for working things out; and if the insights are useful for anyone else, neat.

  • Demons.

    I’m in the middle of a dialogue with you father – but you will likely never see this, even if I tell you these words. I’m finally telling you things that I’ve kept hidden for decades, because I don’t want to continue a cycle of hurt. In this moment, I feel lighter. I still don’t…

  • Some Person from my Graduating Class recently died…

    … and I know nothing? Well that’s a horribly vague start. The pandemic was isolating in a lot of ways. For me, this included retreating from social media nearly entirely.The arguments, and polarizing of individuals, that seemed to throw rationality out the window instead of having meaningful conversations about what should just be good community…

  • Post Prompt * “Don’t pick up the phone” ep. 3 ~20mins mark

    CW: This documentary talks about acts of sexual violence, with victims described as young men and women, where there are elements of good representatives taking actions in systems (ie. police), while there obvious and at times unnamed absences of actions in systems that are of great concern (ie. HELLO, MORE POLICE? DAFUQ IS HAPPENING?, HOLY…

  • Things my brain chews on…

    I watch quite a few documentaries, I try to find things that may be outside of my worldview, or experience, or perspective. Sometimes about things and people that I deeply disagree with, and/or make me pretty uncomfortable. I do not want to be prescriptive, or suggest that this is a ‘good’ thing to do –…

  • Abusive parent?

    I don’t feel like I remember a lot of my childhood. At least, not the same way other people do. I feel like I see people around me pull treasures from the recesses of their mind, “hey, do you remember that time…” – followed by some fun thing with a family member or friend. I…

  • How do I be my best nobody?

    Between my lived experience, my mental heath (anxiety/ocd disorders currently diagnosed, god knows what undiagnosed), and the awareness I try to carry of space I occupy (present as cishet white dude who likely made questionable life choices, paying way too much money to live in an expensive ass city on stolen land) – I spend…

  • Have you ever been to the hospital for mental health?

    It’s weird. In a lot of ways. I’ve been there for that reason a lot – both my mental health, and others. Both sides suck. I mean, going to the hospital in general sucks – but it’s always felt extra weird for me in regards to mental health. It feels more ambiguous when trying to…

  • Guns.

    I mean, they’re a tool. A very destructive tool. We have a lot of them in our society. Most of them, we don’t have to give much of a second glance to, because we don’t often have to think of them in their most harmful capacities – where they are hurting the most possible people.…

  • Johnny Depp?

    I’m approaching 40 – why in the ever living fuck should I care about Johnny Depp’s personal life? Nevermind finding myself angry about it? The fuck? I can draw a pretty direct connection between my consumption of social media and the degree to which I cared about the Heard-Depp lawsuit. The more time I spent…

  • Absurdity.

    I sometimes question the things I say out loud – worried that I may have said something that offends someone, or crosses a boundary, or I missed how it could be taken in another context – and possibly be harmful. I lied. I *often* question the things I say out loud for one or more…